He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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