we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
