Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
