When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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