You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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