he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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