a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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