Someone shit on the floor
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
