i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize