oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
