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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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