I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
