dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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