"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You've changed since you got that strap on
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
