whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
jump out the window naked night went bad
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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