imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
