i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
P.S. I can't hear my feet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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