hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
