She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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