so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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