i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
