I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
