If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
