just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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