i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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