i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
