I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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