can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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