our cab driver is having phone sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
BRING THE BAGELS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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