I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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