i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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