Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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