Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
