Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
