I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
