make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
