Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
