either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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