you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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