I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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