there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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