Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
