I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
