I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
