your parents love me but you hate me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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