Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
