I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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