I wish my penis had an off switch
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
