we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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