Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
