Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
