My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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