I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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