I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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