I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
