yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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