so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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