you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
