Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
