My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
