I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
